It's Another Boy!!

I am now halfway through my pregnancy and I've got to say, it's such a relief to be halfway to meeting our little baby.
At first, it felt like we'd never get here, and that May was too far away. But here I am, 20 weeks pregnant and 4 months away from meeting our new baby boy.

So, usually you find out the gender around 19-20 weeks when you have your anatomy scan ultrasound, but we knew Cameron would be working and wouldn't be able to make that ultrasound, so our amazing OB scheduled to have us find out the gender on Dec. 11th when I was 17.5 weeks. Lucky for us, Cameron's parents were in town that same weekend and would be able to come with us to the ultrasound!

My Dr ended up being switched to on-call that week, so when I went in for my appt, I didn't know if we'd even be able to do the ultrasound because my Dr could possibly be delivering babies. So we hoped, prayed and crossed our fingers that we would be able to do the ultrasound. When we checked in for the appt, they got us into a room right away, and my Dr was in shortly after and spent plenty of time with us to find out the gender. Our little baby was being just a little stubborn, but it was really fun watching my in-laws reactions to seeing our little baby move around. And then when we go close to the baby's legs, suddenly we all saw without a doubt, we were having another boy!!!! We are so SO excited to welcome Walker James into our family!

Now, being 20 weeks, the kicks and flutters are getting stronger and stronger. Cameron was finally able to feel Walker kick last week, which is one of my favorite parts of pregnancy!

I had my 20 week scan this last Friday. The appt took about an hour, which I was fine with cause I got to see Walker moving around a lot. But the tech was a little rough, she kept digging into my stomach to get certain pictures of Walker. My belly was extremely sore afterwards, and it's still a little sore today. I loved watching Walker move around, opening and closing his mouth, and seeing that he looks a lot like his big brother!!!

Baby On The Way!

The time has come!! We are finally pregnant again!!! After trying to get pregnant for nearly a year, with a 3 month break while my husband was gone on deployment, we are now pregnant!

I've got to admit, as excited as I was to finally be pregnant, I was also terrified. It seemed like May 17th would never get here. It felt like the first trimester was never going to end. And as much as I try not to stress, I will admit, I was a little stressed. Which I know is all normal to feel after having a miscarriage, but I was trying to not let those those get to me too much. 

My husband was so comforting and supportive during this time. He kept assuring me that this is a completely new pregnancy, and that everything would be fine.

I urged my OB to give me an ultrasound at 7 weeks to calm some of my nerves. And that's exactly what happened. The baby had a beautiful heartbeat, and was measuring perfectly on time.

I was able to continue on the first trimester and had a date scheduled for another ultrasound in 5 weeks. 

I was very nauseous and threw up a few times, but I was prepared this time. I had my nausea medication ready to go! I felt like this pregnancy I've been more tired than my last 2 pregnancy's. When I was getting tired of the nauseous feeling, Cameron would tell me "The more sick you are, the cuter the baby" and that helped me get through it. Knowing that I was enduring this to bring a cute little baby into our family is absolutely worth it.

At last, week 12.5 came and we had another ultrasound. This one I was a little nervous for because that's exactly how far along I was last time when we found out we lost the baby. But I was pretty sure I was already feeling some movement from the baby, so I was pretty sure everything was going to be just fine. My OB was so sweet and as soon as she started the ultrasound she was admiring our beautiful baby and all the features. The baby was not only very healthy, but measuring a full week ahead! We've felt that this baby will be a boy, and the heartbeat was 150, same as Waylon, and typically the range boys' heartbeats are in. We would love to have a boy or girl, we truly just want a healthy baby, and so far the baby is perfectly healthy!

I am now 14 weeks and the nausea is finally subsiding and my belly is bigger every day. It's really true, you start showing sooner with each baby. People have noticed my bump since week 11 haha

With Waylon, nobody could tell I was pregnant until I was about 16-17 weeks. 

We already have a date set to find out the gender, which is Dec. 11th! I'm so excited, I can't wait to finally have a name to call this sweet baby. The kicks are getting stronger and more frequent. I love feeling the kicks, they are so reassuring and so fun to feel. 

I love to Crochet!

In my last post I briefly mentioned that I had crochet projects to work on while my husband was gone on deployment. So I figured I'd go into more detail about how I got started in crochet and projects I've done over the years.

How I got started...

My Grandma Davies (my dad's mom) crocheted. She would crochet blankets, dresses for dolls, animals, she did it all. I remember really being connected to the dolls with the crochet dresses because it was a deal my grandma had. We'd go to the store, I'd pick out the doll and would get her clothes and my grandma would make her a dress. She made Snow White & Prince Charming, Santa & Mrs. Claus, Pocahontas, a Southern Grandma and more. I loved those dolls and their outfits. When I was 8 years old, my Grandma was teaching the 8 year old girls in our church how to crochet. She had me wait in the back room while she taught her class, but the girls were the same age as me and I wanted to be part of the class too. So I snuck out of the back room and joined the class. I was there every week while she taught her class. I'm still great friend's with one of the girl's from that class 18 years later.

During those classes we started small with scrunchies (a 90's must-have accessory), small blankets and such.

When my Grandma passed away 4 years later, I started crocheting more because I felt reconnected to her. It was my way to feel like she was there again.

Periodically I would go back to crocheting. It was a stress relief for me. A way to escape the world for a bit and create something with my own hands.

My Projects...

 When Cameron and I got married, he loved that I crocheted and encouraged me to learn all I could and make everything I wanted to. One of the many reasons I love him so much, he pushes me to be the best I can.

I started out small with baby booties, big fluffy baby blankets and a hat. Some lap blankets that I started out making never got finished.

When Cameron joined the Navy and we moved to SC, I wasn't working, and we were trying to get pregnant, so crochet became a big part of my life again. I started to make head bands and little dresses for our niece.

And I made a huge American flag blanket that I'm so bummed I don't have a picture of. I was going to put it on our couch, but my mother-in-law liked it so much, I sent it to her. I've been meaning to make another one, which is actually a great project for deployments because it definitely takes time to make.

Later when my sister and I both found out we were pregnant, I started making more baby things. She found out she was having another girl so I made more dresses and skirts. I made my first sashay yarn skirt, which is one of my favorites!

And then we found out we were having a boy so I made sneakers, cowboy boots and cowboy hats! Those cowboy hats were so fun because it was my first time crocheting wire into the hat to make the brim.

I also started making dresses for my dog to wear during the colder weather. As well as mug cozy's because I like to drink tea year round, and hot chocolate during the winter months. While making the mug cozy's is when I discovered 2 stranded crocheting! I love the color possibilities and the sturdiness it gives to your projects. It allowed me to hold the cozy without feeling the heat from my cup. It opened my eyes to so many possibilities!

When I found out my best friend in Arizona, Kiersten, was having a baby, I knew I wanted to make something. I wanted to make it meaningful and I wanted to try a Granny Square blanket. So instead of working side to side, you're working in a round using a square pattern. Kiersten is originally from Florida and she is a HUGE Gators fan and their color are orange and blue. So I made a white, blue and orange blanket for her little boy. And I think he very much approves of the blanket.

When we moved to Washington one of friends found out she was having a girl, so I decided to make her dresses using a new pattern. I also tried making a bow with curled tails. Oh my goodness, that was such a fun project! I loved that pattern so much I made 2 more dresses like it! I also made her a small star shaped blanket with an elephant head on it. That was my first attempt at making an animal, and I love how it turned out! I made a granny square blanket as well with the same pink, white and yellow from her dresses, as well as some purple.

Here is Eliza wearing the blue dress I made for her. 

 I saw on pinterest a crocheted play mat! I thought that was so clever! What CAN'T you make with crochet?? So I decided to make one for our son. It was a pretty tedious project, but I think it turned out great. I actually wish I had made it bigger with more textures. I loved the idea of a blanket with different textures on it. I would love to make more like this.

And here is my latest project. Cameron and I have talked about bringing our scriptures to church instead of just having them on our phones. Which is convenient, but sometimes we just miss having our scriptures with us and marking in them. I don't have a case for my scriptures and I was going to purchase one then Cameron suggested I make one! So here it is, my scripture case! I love how it came out. I'm still debating adding handles. I made one and added it on, but didn't like it.

There's so much more that I've made and I am so humbled that I've been able to develop this skill and improve upon it. I will never grow old of crochet and I'm excited to see what else I can create.

Why aren't you selling this stuff??

Well, I've definitely thought about it. I absolutely could devote time to making and selling the items I crochet. Part of me would love that! Other parts of me get very overwhelmed by the idea, and dealing with possible upset customers scares me. I crochet for fun and I genuinely love to crochet, and I worry that the pressures of selling my items might not make it as enjoyable. Who knows, maybe I will start selling them one day.

What Do You Do?

"What Do You Do?" I get asked this A LOT during Cameron's deployment. What do I do to keep sane? What do I do to keep busy? What do I do to keep myself from getting depressed?

At first it was a lot of, "Well, I don't work so I mostly stay home with my son. We go to the park, I craft and crochet." And I always felt bad about how much that answer lacked busy-ness, but it doesn't! I care for my toddler son 24/7. I get no breaks. I also keep up with the house. I water the lawn. I fix what needs fixin'. I cook all the meals. I do all of the chores. I make sure all of the bills are paid. I make sure our cars are running properly. And somehow in between all of that, I find time to work on puzzles, crochet a new project, or watch a show.

So my answer has changed. What do I do? I do all the roles of mom, wife, daddy and husband. Of course I have friends who are more than helpful, and spend time with me to help pass the time.

The other major thing I do while my husband is gone? I workout! Yep, I keep a workout routine going for many reasons. Working out makes you happy! It helps boost your endorphins to make you happy, which helps keep you from getting depressed, and gives you something to look forward to each day. I also workout so that I can look and feel amazing when my husband gets back ;) I always feel so much more confident about myself when I work out. I don't like being insecure, so I workout to help me feel more secure about myself.

Along with working out, I can keep track of what I'm eating. That takes up some time as well with planning your meals and keeping track of your what you're eating.

Visiting family is a great way to pass deployment time. At the beginning of this deployment my son and I went to visit family for 3 weeks, and it helped out a lot. I was able to be with family, and do lots of things to help pass the time like park days, going to the lake, parties, and family dinner dates.

There is a lot to do, and a lot to be done while your spouse is on deployment. It's just having the perspective to see that.

So what do I do when Cameron is gone? Everything.

Small Acts of Kindness

I know I haven't publicly said that Cameron is currently deployed, and I'm sure many of my friends have put it together when I visited Arizona for nearly 3 weeks without Cameron. I don't like publicly posting that my husband is gone, but I felt like I needed to state that to let you fully understand my emotions today.

Today started out normal. Waylon and I got up, watched a movie, got ready for church and Waylon even fell asleep before church. So I went early so ensure that he would get a good nap in today.

Sacrament meeting was beautiful because of the testimonies shared, and Waylon slept for nearly all of Sacrament meeting. As it ended, an elderly man came up to me, who I had seen a couple times but never knew his name, and he handed me some folded pieces of paper. He said that it was some poems he had written and he thought I would enjoy them. I was surprised, and thanked him. I told Waylon we would read them together later.

After Sacrament meeting I dropped off Waylon at Nursery, and he wasn't too happy about that. During Sunday I debating going to get him, but I knew he was going to be ok, and I wanted to listen to the lesson in Sunday School. So after Sunday School I went and checked on Waylon and he was doing better, still a little upset, but better. So I went to Relief Society.

It was when I got to Relief Society that I realized why I wanted to have Waylon with me so bad. Every time someone opened the door, I was hoping it would be Cameron walking through the door, knowing it was not his time to come home. I wanted Waylon there to comfort me and help fill the emptiness of having Cameron gone. I started to tear up, but I composed myself, and let Waylon stay in Nursery to help him get used to it.

Later when we came home, I opened the poems and read each one. They were so sweet and helped comfort me. I looked at the date they were written and they were from 1985, 1992, and 2009, but they felt like they were for me, at this moment in my life. Mostly about being a mom, and others about a boy growing up and what he wants to be. I felt like it was exactly what my heart had been trying to say. It gave me the courage to endure the rest of this deployment, and that I was being a great mom for Waylon.

I'm so grateful for that simple act of kindness and the boost it gave me. And I'm so grateful that man listened to the prompting of giving those poems to me.

It's Been a Year

A year ago this month we starting trying to get pregnant. All the doubt and anxiety of trying to get pregnant came rushing back. I was really hoping it wouldn't take us a year, because we wanted our kids close in age, so we decided to go ahead and start trying. My health was much better, my thyroid levels were better, and my body had already been through pregnancy so we were hopeful it would be easier this time around. After 3 months of trying, I was getting worried, but I knew that it was normal to take 3-6 months to get pregnant.
I visited family in Arizona in July, and at that time, I was fairly certain I was pregnant, but not 100% sure. Which would mean it only took us 4 months to get pregnant. I decided to wait until I got back to South Carolina to take a test. I was 4 days late and took a test, it was positive. We were pregnant!

Now here we are... a year later, no baby, and not pregnant. I have a lot of mixed feelings. I'm sad that we are not a family of 4 yet. I'm happy to not be 9 months pregnant with a toddler that runs everywhere and is still in diapers. I'm confused as to why we still aren't pregnant, and why we lost the last baby. I'm stressed that we are running out of time to get pregnant before Cameron leaves on deployment. And I don't understand why it has to be so hard to get pregnant.

All these questions and concerns run through my mind with not a clear answer. All I can do is trust. Trust in the Lord's timing. Trust that He knows what is best for our family, and trust that through this trial and heartache, blessings will come.

I feel like I'm on a roller coaster though. One day I'm fine, I'm happy, I accept what is happening. Other times I'm angry, sad and bitter that that sweet baby was taken from us.

This month also marks my due date for my last pregnancy. I was dreading this month. I was hoping to already be pregnant again so that this month would turn into a happy one, but we're not. And it's a relief to finally be putting this month behind me. To move forward with a better attitude, and trust once again.