Why I Took A 10 Day Break From Social Media

No social media at all for 10 days?? Why??

Well, I'll tell you why..

Twice a year I participate in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints General Conference. It's a 2 day event in April and October. We get to hear from our Prophet and Apostles, as well as other general authorities.

In April there is a General Priesthood Session Saturday evening for all the Priesthood holders in our church to attend. And in October there is a General Women's Session Saturday evening for all the women.

Yesterday, on October 6th we had our General Women's Session. Great talks we given, and our Prophet, President Russell M. Nelson spoke to us and challenged us to do 4 things.

1. Read and study the Book of Mormon, which is another testament of Jesus Christ, before the end of the year.
2. Refrain from social media for 10 days and make note of how you feel and what your thoughts are.
3. Attend the Temple as often as possible.
4. Read, ponder and study the Relief Society Statement of Purpose.

After the Women's session I immediately went to Facebook and wrote that I was accepting the challenge and turned off all notifications for Facebook and Instagram.

Day 1:
Out of habit I've wanted to open my phone and click on to Facebook to see what's going on in the world. But instead I moved the apps to another screen on my phone so they wouldn't be as much of a temptation, which has helped tremendously.

One thing I looked forward to was being more focused on my family. What's happening now. I felt that I was able to be more tuned in to my family and not bothered by little interruptions.

I also noticed that as I checked my phone throughout the day to check for notifications, I almost felt a disappointment that I had none. That I wasn't wanted or needed. But then I looked around, and right here with my husband and 2 sons is where I am needed.

I also felt that as much as I love staying in touch with others through Facebook and Instagram, as no one reached out to me today, I realized that constantly knowing what's going on in everyone's lives isn't detrimental to my life, and growth.

I know as the days pass, I will not have as strong an urge to constantly be wondering what's going on with everyone else. I'm also looking forward to filling more time with pondering the scriptures, progressing and focusing on my family.

Day 2:
Today I feel like my mind is clear. I had much more enthusiasm to take on today's task.

This morning a friend came over to work on a project with me and it was great to be able to stay engaged with her and not worry about what anyone was posting about on Facebook. And having her over was a great distraction from wanting to check my phone for the latest gossip.

Afterwards I got a surprise text from another great friend just to simply say she was thinking of me. This friend didn't know that I was currently in this challenge because she deleted her social media a couple weeks ago. Now, I'm not saying I need all my friends to always reach out to me all the time, but it was so nice to know that she thought of me and acted on that prompting to tell me. We then had a brief conversation about what we are up to and it was great!

Next I sat and played with my 3 year old while our 4 month old slept. Not saying that I never play with my child, but again, I didn't have the worry or the urgency to check what my friends kids were doing or compare my son to other kids. My son was being himself and was so perfect in my eyes.

I found myself wanting to fill my time with other things so that I wouldn't want to check my phone.

Day 7:
You know what's been nice? Not having to see a bunch of negative comments all the time.

I have don't have to see the corrupt and biased opinions of media influencers. I don't have to see anything vulgar that certain Facebook friends have been known to share.

I feel myself being more positive. I don't feel the need to constantly compare discipline techniques, or how my child's development compares to another.

We only see a moment of each other's lives on social media. We would have much different views if we spent an entire day with each other.

I think social media can be used be for good, and that's the change I will make after these 10 days. I'm going to filter out the unnecessary, and limit how often I'm on social media.

I'm reminded of my favorite scripture in the Book of Mormon: 2 Nephi 2:27
"27 Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself."

We are given free agency. We are free to choose happiness and love. I don't have to allow myself to see such filth and negativity on social media. I can put down my phone and not care about what everyone else is doing and saying.
I don't have to be bombarded with thousands of differing opinions.
Instead of scouring Facebook for updates on friends, I can call or text them and ask how they're doing without the entire world knowing our conversation.

Day 10:
Through this fast I have seen what truly matters and what is most important. And not caring so much about what is on social media. I also see that more positivity and spreading the gospel is needed.
I have thoroughly enjoyed this media fast. I feel refreshed and rejuvenated because of it.
I'm so grateful to have a living Prophet on the earth today that was inspired and gave this challenge.

If you feel encouraged to take this challenge, then do it! You won't regret it!

Walker's Birth Story

Monday May 14th, 2018:

Monday morning I had an appt with my OB to sweep my membranes and talk about an induction. I was nervous about going over my due date again and having a really big baby and needing a c-section. My Dr was willing to induce me before my due date, but after 39 weeks. But she wanted to sweep my membranes to give my body a chance to go into labor on its own. 

Welp, between 37-39.5 weeks, I had my membranes swept a total of 5 times, and still did not go into labor. 

That morning we came in for the 5th sweep. I was dilated to 5 and having some contractions, but they were mild Braxton Hicks, so I didn't think much of them. My Dr told us to not go home just yet and to walk around for about an hour and if I have more contractions, then I needed to go up to labor and delivery triage.

After walking around the hospital, up and down stairs, trying everything to help get me into labor, I did have more contractions and I thought my water broke a little bit, so we headed up to triage. They put monitors on me, gave me some water, and called my Dr in. She said my water wasn't broken, but they noticed Walker's heart rate dropped when I was having contractions. They said that alone was enough to admit me. So the induction began, we were admitted and having a baby!

By this time it was around 9:30 in the morning. They first they started an IV of fluids to help with Walker's heart rate. We waited another 2-3 hours and then they got me started on Pitocin to help regulate my contractions. My Dr wanted to break my water to help things progress quicker and I wanted the epidural before she did that. So we waited for what seemed like forever to get an epidural. Once the epidural was in and working, my Dr came in and broke my water around 2pm. There was so much fluid that came out my Dr said "Well, that's why your belly looked so big. You had all that fluid in there. Yep, you're definitely gonna have about an 8.5 lb baby." 

That's what they told me with Waylon too, and he was 9 lbs 6 oz.

I could tell the hormones were getting to me, and having the epidural and not being able to move around, things get to you. Cameron came back from getting food at the galley and I was crying haha I wanted our other son, Waylon, with us. I missed him. That was the longest I've ever been away from him, and I just wanted our little family together.

Once I gathered myself together again. The nurses brought in the peanut yoga ball to help with dilation. My OB had already ended her shift, so another Dr would be delivering Walker. We were getting close to the end of the day and they had upped my pitocin. My contractions were much stronger and about 2 minutes apart. It didn't take long and I was finally at a 10. 

This time around I was determined to not spend 3 hours pushing, again. My hope and goal was to push for an hour or less. This time Cameron and I had a plan to help me push. I could barely get my shoulders off the bed, so I asked him to put an arm behind me and lift me while I pushed.

At 11:45pm, we started pushes. I asked the nurse to bring in the mirror because it helps me to see my progress and I can push myself more. And just like with Waylon's delivery, I threw up right before we started pushes. While pushing, I noticed some pain near my tailbone. The nurse said that Walker was face up and facing my left hip, so the back of his head was on my tail bone. But once I pushed him down some more, the pain was gone. At midnight, the Dr came in ready to catch Walker. During the next few pushes I threw up some more. I pushed a few more times and I finally had Walker crowning. When I got his head out Amniotic fluid shot across the room haha I actually had no idea this even happened, Cameron told me about it later. 

The nurse told me to take a break and breathe in more oxygen, but I didn't want to, my body just wanted to push. I did stop for a second to get some air to prep for the next push. The Dr started taking off the end of the bed ready to catch Walker. I remember thinking "At this point with Waylon, I had one push left. So that's it Chels, one more push and he's here." So I gave it my all, I pushed and pushed and pushed. During this push, Walker pulled a 360 move and he went from face up to face down. He still wasn't out yet. His shoulders were barely through. His shoulders never got stuck, they were just a little snug. Everyone kept telling me "Almost there, one more push, he's almost there, just give it one more push." I gave one last big push, and he was out! at 12:33am our little Walker was here. A total of 45 minutes of pushing. I remember telling Cameron, "I didn't even break a sweat this time!" haha

They laid Walker on my belly, Cameron cut the cord and Walker's hand clasped around my finger. He was crying, of course, so I started talking to him and he instantly stopped. I felt his legs and they felt smaller than Waylon's, so I thought, "Maybe my Dr was right, maybe he will only be 8 lbs.". They let me hold Walker as long as I wanted before they weighed and measured him. I was very curious about his weight, so I let them take him and weigh him. As I'm laying in the bed, Cameron is standing in front of the scale so I couldn't see the numbers, so I just waited patiently for them to say the weight out loud. Except the only words out of anyone's mouth was "Oh my gosh!" Gasps were everywhere, The nurse looked at me with her hands over her mouth in shock. I looked around and kept saying "What? What is it??" But nobody answered! So I said "Somebody needs to say something now! What? What is it??" And the nurse just said "Look!" Cameron stepped back to reveal the scale. 10lbs, 3 oz. I was FLOORED! I was so shocked! I was so terrified of having a 10 lb baby and not being able to delivery that baby vaginally. I could not believe I had just delivered a baby that big, and how easy it was to get him out! 

I truly underestimated the capability of what our bodies can do. 

We spent the next 38 hours in the hospital before we were finally discharged. Luckily, everyone is healthy and doing well. I can't believe how quickly my body is recovering. I feel like I've bounced back quicker this time.

Waylon is so in love with his baby brother, and he has made this transition much easier on us. we're so excited to be a family of 4 now and I can't wait to see Walker grow and develop his little personality.

Third Trimester, Here We Go!

FINALLY!! We are in the 3rd Trimester! I remember when I hit 28 weeks with Waylon, your body just feels different. It hurts more, you ache, you take longer to get around and exerting energy takes a lot out of you.
Well, this pregnancy wasn't any different. As soon as I hit 28 weeks, BAM, my body had more aches and pains. Except these pains also came with chasing a toddler around. So I hardly have time to nurse my pains. During my pregnancies I experience what they call lightning crotch. If you don't know what that is, it's exactly how it sounds; sharp zapping pain in the ho-ha. And this time around I'm getting it more frequently and it stops me in my tracks. And then Waylon comes up to me asking me if I'm ok and gives me a hug, which does make it better :)

On top of all these aches, pains and contractions, I decided it would be a great time to potty train Waylon haha Yep. I tried to prep him as best I could one week, knowing the next week I had wide open with no plans but to stay home and potty train. The Friday before I took Waylon to the store to pick out some fun undies. And of course he picked out the pack that had Toy Story and Cars. I also picked up some kids Culturelle and Pedialyte to encourage pooping :)
I started out having him run around butt naked and that was working, but then he wasn't pooping. After 3 days of naked butt it was time to wear underwear, which he wasn't too excited about, but he knew he couldn't go outside without them haha
The first day in undies he had quite a few accidents and I needed him to poop. So I took him to the store and let him pick out a toy. He chose a Lightning McQueen car, so when we got home, I told him he couldn't have it until he pooped on the potty. The next day, he pooped! On the potty! And he got his car and he was SO excited! And that was it, he was potty trained! We of course still have a few accidents, but he can now take himself to go potty at home and he's getting much better about telling me when he needs to go. And now we will only have 1 kid in diapers when Walker gets here! *victory dance!*

I am now 31 weeks and it seems like the weeks are flying by! We will have our sweet little Walker here before we know it!

It's Another Boy!!

I am now halfway through my pregnancy and I've got to say, it's such a relief to be halfway to meeting our little baby.
At first, it felt like we'd never get here, and that May was too far away. But here I am, 20 weeks pregnant and 4 months away from meeting our new baby boy.

So, usually you find out the gender around 19-20 weeks when you have your anatomy scan ultrasound, but we knew Cameron would be working and wouldn't be able to make that ultrasound, so our amazing OB scheduled to have us find out the gender on Dec. 11th when I was 17.5 weeks. Lucky for us, Cameron's parents were in town that same weekend and would be able to come with us to the ultrasound!

My Dr ended up being switched to on-call that week, so when I went in for my appt, I didn't know if we'd even be able to do the ultrasound because my Dr could possibly be delivering babies. So we hoped, prayed and crossed our fingers that we would be able to do the ultrasound. When we checked in for the appt, they got us into a room right away, and my Dr was in shortly after and spent plenty of time with us to find out the gender. Our little baby was being just a little stubborn, but it was really fun watching my in-laws reactions to seeing our little baby move around. And then when we go close to the baby's legs, suddenly we all saw without a doubt, we were having another boy!!!! We are so SO excited to welcome Walker James into our family!

Now, being 20 weeks, the kicks and flutters are getting stronger and stronger. Cameron was finally able to feel Walker kick last week, which is one of my favorite parts of pregnancy!

I had my 20 week scan this last Friday. The appt took about an hour, which I was fine with cause I got to see Walker moving around a lot. But the tech was a little rough, she kept digging into my stomach to get certain pictures of Walker. My belly was extremely sore afterwards, and it's still a little sore today. I loved watching Walker move around, opening and closing his mouth, and seeing that he looks a lot like his big brother!!!

Baby On The Way!

The time has come!! We are finally pregnant again!!! After trying to get pregnant for nearly a year, with a 3 month break while my husband was gone on deployment, we are now pregnant!

I've got to admit, as excited as I was to finally be pregnant, I was also terrified. It seemed like May 17th would never get here. It felt like the first trimester was never going to end. And as much as I try not to stress, I will admit, I was a little stressed. Which I know is all normal to feel after having a miscarriage, but I was trying to not let those those get to me too much. 

My husband was so comforting and supportive during this time. He kept assuring me that this is a completely new pregnancy, and that everything would be fine.

I urged my OB to give me an ultrasound at 7 weeks to calm some of my nerves. And that's exactly what happened. The baby had a beautiful heartbeat, and was measuring perfectly on time.

I was able to continue on the first trimester and had a date scheduled for another ultrasound in 5 weeks. 

I was very nauseous and threw up a few times, but I was prepared this time. I had my nausea medication ready to go! I felt like this pregnancy I've been more tired than my last 2 pregnancy's. When I was getting tired of the nauseous feeling, Cameron would tell me "The more sick you are, the cuter the baby" and that helped me get through it. Knowing that I was enduring this to bring a cute little baby into our family is absolutely worth it.

At last, week 12.5 came and we had another ultrasound. This one I was a little nervous for because that's exactly how far along I was last time when we found out we lost the baby. But I was pretty sure I was already feeling some movement from the baby, so I was pretty sure everything was going to be just fine. My OB was so sweet and as soon as she started the ultrasound she was admiring our beautiful baby and all the features. The baby was not only very healthy, but measuring a full week ahead! We've felt that this baby will be a boy, and the heartbeat was 150, same as Waylon, and typically the range boys' heartbeats are in. We would love to have a boy or girl, we truly just want a healthy baby, and so far the baby is perfectly healthy!

I am now 14 weeks and the nausea is finally subsiding and my belly is bigger every day. It's really true, you start showing sooner with each baby. People have noticed my bump since week 11 haha

With Waylon, nobody could tell I was pregnant until I was about 16-17 weeks. 

We already have a date set to find out the gender, which is Dec. 11th! I'm so excited, I can't wait to finally have a name to call this sweet baby. The kicks are getting stronger and more frequent. I love feeling the kicks, they are so reassuring and so fun to feel. 

I love to Crochet!

In my last post I briefly mentioned that I had crochet projects to work on while my husband was gone on deployment. So I figured I'd go into more detail about how I got started in crochet and projects I've done over the years.

How I got started...

My Grandma Davies (my dad's mom) crocheted. She would crochet blankets, dresses for dolls, animals, she did it all. I remember really being connected to the dolls with the crochet dresses because it was a deal my grandma had. We'd go to the store, I'd pick out the doll and would get her clothes and my grandma would make her a dress. She made Snow White & Prince Charming, Santa & Mrs. Claus, Pocahontas, a Southern Grandma and more. I loved those dolls and their outfits. When I was 8 years old, my Grandma was teaching the 8 year old girls in our church how to crochet. She had me wait in the back room while she taught her class, but the girls were the same age as me and I wanted to be part of the class too. So I snuck out of the back room and joined the class. I was there every week while she taught her class. I'm still great friend's with one of the girl's from that class 18 years later.

During those classes we started small with scrunchies (a 90's must-have accessory), small blankets and such.

When my Grandma passed away 4 years later, I started crocheting more because I felt reconnected to her. It was my way to feel like she was there again.

Periodically I would go back to crocheting. It was a stress relief for me. A way to escape the world for a bit and create something with my own hands.

My Projects...

 When Cameron and I got married, he loved that I crocheted and encouraged me to learn all I could and make everything I wanted to. One of the many reasons I love him so much, he pushes me to be the best I can.

I started out small with baby booties, big fluffy baby blankets and a hat. Some lap blankets that I started out making never got finished.

When Cameron joined the Navy and we moved to SC, I wasn't working, and we were trying to get pregnant, so crochet became a big part of my life again. I started to make head bands and little dresses for our niece.

And I made a huge American flag blanket that I'm so bummed I don't have a picture of. I was going to put it on our couch, but my mother-in-law liked it so much, I sent it to her. I've been meaning to make another one, which is actually a great project for deployments because it definitely takes time to make.

Later when my sister and I both found out we were pregnant, I started making more baby things. She found out she was having another girl so I made more dresses and skirts. I made my first sashay yarn skirt, which is one of my favorites!

And then we found out we were having a boy so I made sneakers, cowboy boots and cowboy hats! Those cowboy hats were so fun because it was my first time crocheting wire into the hat to make the brim.

I also started making dresses for my dog to wear during the colder weather. As well as mug cozy's because I like to drink tea year round, and hot chocolate during the winter months. While making the mug cozy's is when I discovered 2 stranded crocheting! I love the color possibilities and the sturdiness it gives to your projects. It allowed me to hold the cozy without feeling the heat from my cup. It opened my eyes to so many possibilities!

When I found out my best friend in Arizona, Kiersten, was having a baby, I knew I wanted to make something. I wanted to make it meaningful and I wanted to try a Granny Square blanket. So instead of working side to side, you're working in a round using a square pattern. Kiersten is originally from Florida and she is a HUGE Gators fan and their color are orange and blue. So I made a white, blue and orange blanket for her little boy. And I think he very much approves of the blanket.

When we moved to Washington one of friends found out she was having a girl, so I decided to make her dresses using a new pattern. I also tried making a bow with curled tails. Oh my goodness, that was such a fun project! I loved that pattern so much I made 2 more dresses like it! I also made her a small star shaped blanket with an elephant head on it. That was my first attempt at making an animal, and I love how it turned out! I made a granny square blanket as well with the same pink, white and yellow from her dresses, as well as some purple.

Here is Eliza wearing the blue dress I made for her. 

 I saw on pinterest a crocheted play mat! I thought that was so clever! What CAN'T you make with crochet?? So I decided to make one for our son. It was a pretty tedious project, but I think it turned out great. I actually wish I had made it bigger with more textures. I loved the idea of a blanket with different textures on it. I would love to make more like this.

And here is my latest project. Cameron and I have talked about bringing our scriptures to church instead of just having them on our phones. Which is convenient, but sometimes we just miss having our scriptures with us and marking in them. I don't have a case for my scriptures and I was going to purchase one then Cameron suggested I make one! So here it is, my scripture case! I love how it came out. I'm still debating adding handles. I made one and added it on, but didn't like it.

There's so much more that I've made and I am so humbled that I've been able to develop this skill and improve upon it. I will never grow old of crochet and I'm excited to see what else I can create.

Why aren't you selling this stuff??

Well, I've definitely thought about it. I absolutely could devote time to making and selling the items I crochet. Part of me would love that! Other parts of me get very overwhelmed by the idea, and dealing with possible upset customers scares me. I crochet for fun and I genuinely love to crochet, and I worry that the pressures of selling my items might not make it as enjoyable. Who knows, maybe I will start selling them one day.

What Do You Do?

"What Do You Do?" I get asked this A LOT during Cameron's deployment. What do I do to keep sane? What do I do to keep busy? What do I do to keep myself from getting depressed?

At first it was a lot of, "Well, I don't work so I mostly stay home with my son. We go to the park, I craft and crochet." And I always felt bad about how much that answer lacked busy-ness, but it doesn't! I care for my toddler son 24/7. I get no breaks. I also keep up with the house. I water the lawn. I fix what needs fixin'. I cook all the meals. I do all of the chores. I make sure all of the bills are paid. I make sure our cars are running properly. And somehow in between all of that, I find time to work on puzzles, crochet a new project, or watch a show.

So my answer has changed. What do I do? I do all the roles of mom, wife, daddy and husband. Of course I have friends who are more than helpful, and spend time with me to help pass the time.

The other major thing I do while my husband is gone? I workout! Yep, I keep a workout routine going for many reasons. Working out makes you happy! It helps boost your endorphins to make you happy, which helps keep you from getting depressed, and gives you something to look forward to each day. I also workout so that I can look and feel amazing when my husband gets back ;) I always feel so much more confident about myself when I work out. I don't like being insecure, so I workout to help me feel more secure about myself.

Along with working out, I can keep track of what I'm eating. That takes up some time as well with planning your meals and keeping track of your what you're eating.

Visiting family is a great way to pass deployment time. At the beginning of this deployment my son and I went to visit family for 3 weeks, and it helped out a lot. I was able to be with family, and do lots of things to help pass the time like park days, going to the lake, parties, and family dinner dates.

There is a lot to do, and a lot to be done while your spouse is on deployment. It's just having the perspective to see that.

So what do I do when Cameron is gone? Everything.

Small Acts of Kindness

I know I haven't publicly said that Cameron is currently deployed, and I'm sure many of my friends have put it together when I visited Arizona for nearly 3 weeks without Cameron. I don't like publicly posting that my husband is gone, but I felt like I needed to state that to let you fully understand my emotions today.

Today started out normal. Waylon and I got up, watched a movie, got ready for church and Waylon even fell asleep before church. So I went early so ensure that he would get a good nap in today.

Sacrament meeting was beautiful because of the testimonies shared, and Waylon slept for nearly all of Sacrament meeting. As it ended, an elderly man came up to me, who I had seen a couple times but never knew his name, and he handed me some folded pieces of paper. He said that it was some poems he had written and he thought I would enjoy them. I was surprised, and thanked him. I told Waylon we would read them together later.

After Sacrament meeting I dropped off Waylon at Nursery, and he wasn't too happy about that. During Sunday I debating going to get him, but I knew he was going to be ok, and I wanted to listen to the lesson in Sunday School. So after Sunday School I went and checked on Waylon and he was doing better, still a little upset, but better. So I went to Relief Society.

It was when I got to Relief Society that I realized why I wanted to have Waylon with me so bad. Every time someone opened the door, I was hoping it would be Cameron walking through the door, knowing it was not his time to come home. I wanted Waylon there to comfort me and help fill the emptiness of having Cameron gone. I started to tear up, but I composed myself, and let Waylon stay in Nursery to help him get used to it.

Later when we came home, I opened the poems and read each one. They were so sweet and helped comfort me. I looked at the date they were written and they were from 1985, 1992, and 2009, but they felt like they were for me, at this moment in my life. Mostly about being a mom, and others about a boy growing up and what he wants to be. I felt like it was exactly what my heart had been trying to say. It gave me the courage to endure the rest of this deployment, and that I was being a great mom for Waylon.

I'm so grateful for that simple act of kindness and the boost it gave me. And I'm so grateful that man listened to the prompting of giving those poems to me.

It's Been a Year

A year ago this month we starting trying to get pregnant. All the doubt and anxiety of trying to get pregnant came rushing back. I was really hoping it wouldn't take us a year, because we wanted our kids close in age, so we decided to go ahead and start trying. My health was much better, my thyroid levels were better, and my body had already been through pregnancy so we were hopeful it would be easier this time around. After 3 months of trying, I was getting worried, but I knew that it was normal to take 3-6 months to get pregnant.
I visited family in Arizona in July, and at that time, I was fairly certain I was pregnant, but not 100% sure. Which would mean it only took us 4 months to get pregnant. I decided to wait until I got back to South Carolina to take a test. I was 4 days late and took a test, it was positive. We were pregnant!

Now here we are... a year later, no baby, and not pregnant. I have a lot of mixed feelings. I'm sad that we are not a family of 4 yet. I'm happy to not be 9 months pregnant with a toddler that runs everywhere and is still in diapers. I'm confused as to why we still aren't pregnant, and why we lost the last baby. I'm stressed that we are running out of time to get pregnant before Cameron leaves on deployment. And I don't understand why it has to be so hard to get pregnant.

All these questions and concerns run through my mind with not a clear answer. All I can do is trust. Trust in the Lord's timing. Trust that He knows what is best for our family, and trust that through this trial and heartache, blessings will come.

I feel like I'm on a roller coaster though. One day I'm fine, I'm happy, I accept what is happening. Other times I'm angry, sad and bitter that that sweet baby was taken from us.

This month also marks my due date for my last pregnancy. I was dreading this month. I was hoping to already be pregnant again so that this month would turn into a happy one, but we're not. And it's a relief to finally be putting this month behind me. To move forward with a better attitude, and trust once again.

Miscarriage Update

At our 2 week check-up, my Dr notcied there was still some embryonic stuff still in my uterus. He suggested a D&C, and I instantly panicked. The thought of having to do a D&C terrifies me. So he told me he was going to give me one more week to try and pass everything on my own. He also did a blood test that day, and said that my HCG levels were still high for someone who just miscarried.

I was already coping with the loss, but it just felt like it was dragging on. I wanted to move past this and start trying to get pregnant again. And as if that wasn't all enough, my Dr also found a cyst. He wasn't really concerned with it, but it was my first (as far as I knew), so it worried me. 

We went in the following week and we have finally passed all the embryonic stuff, which was a huge relief, but the cyst had nearly doubled in size. My Dr went ahead and gave us the ok to start tryiing to get pregnant again, but he was now concerned with the cyst. He wanted to give my body a chance to get rid of it on its own, so he wanted to see me back in 2 weeks. If the cyst measures 10 cm or more, then they will perform surgery to remove it. 

I am terrified, but I actually have peace in my heart, because I know that Heavenly Father is watching over us. This has been a rough month for our family, but it is making us stronger. And I'm so grateful that Cameron is a worthy priesthood holder. I asked him to give me a blessing after our last appointment. 

As I said in my last blog post, Waylon has made this process much easier on us. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't sad every time I see my friend's pregnancy progress on Facebook and Instagram. But I know that we'll get pregnant again, and be able to bring another sweet baby into our family.

Nov. 1st: We had our check-up and the cyst hadn't really grown, so they are just going to leave it, and let us try and get pregnant. It will either go away on it's own in 6-8 weeks, go away once we get pregnant, it could rupture, or if it's still there when we go to deliver the next baby, it will go away with delivery. So hopefully it will go away, and we are free to move forward  and try to get pregnant! Yay!

We had a miscarriage, and it's ok..

After struggling for a year to get pregnant with Waylon, we decided to get an early start with baby #2. So March 2016 we started trying, and as of July 6th 2016, I was pregnant!
We were so thrilled that it happened quickly this time and that our kids would be close in age.

We went in for an ultrasound at 7 weeks and 5 days, and we got to hear the heartbeat and see little twitches and movements from our sweet baby. They found some fluid outside of the sac, and based on the look of the ultrasound tech, it wasn't good. But she said to expect some spotting and not to worry, but she did want to see us back in 2 weeks for another ultrasound. I did have some very, very light spotting a couple days later, but it was to be expected. We found out the next week that we would be moving to Washington the week of the ultrasound. So I was a little nervous but there was nothing I could do about it.

Once we got to Washington, I made an appointment as soon as I could to do an ultrasound and make sure the fluid was gone, and that our baby was ok.

On Wednesday Sept 21st, 2016 we had the ultrasound. They tried to do the ultrasound from the outside, and I noticed that it was rather hard to see a baby, and the tech said that she was having a hard time getting a heartbeat. So they did a vaginal ultrasound and I saw that my uterus had grown like there was a 12 week baby in there, but there was only a petite 8 week baby with no heartbeat, and no movement. We were absolutely heartbroken. And there were all kinds of emotions that we were feeling. The ultrasound tech was so nice and so comforting. She told us that we didn't do anything to cause this, and not to get caught up in the negative thoughts. We took comfort in knowing that we are sealed to that sweet baby forever and we will meet again someday. And already having Waylon definitely made it easier to cope with this loss. Because we lost the baby early on, we didn't have to have a D&C as long as I passed everything.

We've had an outpouring of love and support from friends and family. I've had many friends reach out to me to offer support and advice to keep from getting depressed. And my sister and her husband sent us some beautiful flowers. And we can't thank everyone enough for that.